Porcelain A Josh Ramsay Fanfic
by xxBlueberryxx
Summary: 17 Year old, Josh Ramsay is tired of living in Matt Webb's shadow. When he meets 16 year Old Ashleigh, everything changes. He gets wrapped up in heroin, drinking and partying. Then when he meets Jenny Webb, Matt's younger counsin he falls in love. Will Josh give up heroin for Jenny? Or will he continue his bad habits with Asheligh?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

I closed my eyes, feeling the hot sun on my pale skin. Everything changed since last summer. I started playing guitar more...Exploring new music and meeting new people. Often my mom would drive me to local bars, just so I could play for everyone.

I met my friend, Matt Webb in choir. Since it was always in the morning, and then soon discovered he was in band too. He was that kid who every girl wanted to talk to. He was the kid who had the sandy brown hair, tan skin and brown eyes. Almost everyone I knew liked him. I sort of envied him in a way. Nobody noticed me, and even when they did I'd be getting into trouble. Sure, I was outgoing…But everyone loved Matt.

"Josh…?" Matt nudged me.

"What?" I snapped, trying not to sound too harsh.

"Aren't you excited?" He beamed

"For what?"

"Five…four… three…two..."

_Riiinnngg_

The school bell rang; Matt and I watched hundreds of kids pour out of our High school, Magee secondary to be exact. Summer at last, Matt and I had Gym last period and were soaked in sweat after being outside in the hot for a long period of time. I flopped on the grass, near a shady tree.

"C'mon," Matt motioned me to follow him.

I pouted. "It's too hot."

"Stop being such a baby," He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, and watched as a group of sophomore girls passed Matt. He smiled and nodded at them, one blond smiled back and shyly waved at him, he waved back.

"Who's she…" I wondered,

Matt laughed, ignoring my question and told me to get up. I did, and skipped over to him, And started walking to my house.

"Any plans for the summer?" Matt asked.

"Probably partying," I thought.

"That reminds me, Craig Green is having one tonight, you coming?"

"He's a fucking douche bag,"

"So?" Matt slowly said. "A party's a party. He'll probably be outside most of the time anyways…"

"Whatever," I mumbled.

Once we got to my house, Matt had a shower first, than me.

When I was finished getting dressed I just stood there in my room staring in my mirror, criticizing the reflection staring at me; Pale skin, blue eyes, brown hair. My eyes felt sunken in and blue rims around them from lack of sleep. I've always had insomnia… even as a little kid. But it's just been getting worse.

"Hello…there…" Matt awkwardly said, and shuffled into my room. I took my eyes away from the ugly image in the mirror and stared blankly at him.

"Hi." I finally said after a few seconds.

"Have you made up your mind yet?"

"About what?"

"The party?"

"I told you, I don't want to go."

"C'mon Josh. You never leave this house, you're-"

"I do too go out,"

"You don't socialize, Josh. Ever. That's why nobody likes you! Nobody knows you!"

I felt my face hot. I wanted to say a million terrible things to Matt. I wanted to insult him so bad. But I couldn't because I knew he was right.

I pursed my lips, and after what felt like forever, I agreed to go to the party.

I didn't feel right. But if this is what it took to actually get noticed, I guess I'd do anything. I was all ready to go. I wore black skinny jeans, Red converse and a concert T-shirt from one of my favorite bands, Jellyfish.

Matt stepped into the room again, and he was ready too. I wasn't gay, but I had to admit he did look pretty good. I frowned, knowing that I wouldn't get a date. Everyone was crazy about him… not me.

I ended up driving my mom's car to the party, which meant I couldn't drink. Matt didn't know how to drive yet anways.

Everything was loud. I wasn't that used to being around all these people…I put my hand on my chest, feeling the vibrations of the bass and the music carry through my body, Not paying attention, I walked into someone. And that someone spilled their drink all over me and them.

Embarrassed, I quickly said sorry and scurried away before I got into trouble.

"Wait," The voice said, following me.

I turned around, face flushed. Even more embarrassed to find that the voice belonged to a girl.

"Y-y-yes.." I stuttered.

"You look kind of familiar." She said.

"No…I really don't."

"Don't you hang out with that Matt kid..? Matt Webb…?" She slowly asked.

"Well…Yeah." I admitted.

She smiled. "The names, Ashleigh." She extended her right arm towards me. I assumed she wanted to shake hands. It was kind of odd.

"I'm Josh… Josh Ramsay."

"Josh..." She repeated. "I could get to know you."

She smiled slyly and slowly walked away.

She was beautiful; Black curly hair, pale skin, just like me. She had dark green eyes and a thin body frame.

The rest of my night consisted of me meeting new people, and keeping an eye on Ashleigh. I gave in to all my new friends and had a drink. One drink wouldn't be so bad, now would it? Then two, three, four, five, six.

It wasn't long before I was wasted; everything was a blur. Where was Matt? I didn't even care.

"SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN!" A tall blond, Jennifer shrieked.

There weren't many people left at Craig's house. Matt was right, He was outside most of the time. I actually didn't see him at all.

I sat down with the rest of the group. Jennifer smiled at me and blushed.

"Okay," She began. "You have to drop something of yours in this hat. If someone picks it out, you HAVE to go in the closet with them and do whatever you want." She smiled again.

She was the type of girl who nobody trusted, the loud obnoxious type.

It wasn't long before the hat came to me. I paused, reached in my pocket and grabbed a black guitar pic, and tossed it into the hat.

I zoned out. Everyone started playing the game…but I couldn't stop thinking about Matt. He was my responsibility. What if he got hit by a car or…

"Black guitar pic?" A voice called out.

I quickly turned to see that it was Ashleigh holding the guitar pic…looking around the room for an owner.

"Me!" I shot out of my chair.

She gave me back my guitar pic, dragged me to the closet and sat down. I closed the door, turned on a light and sat down across from her.

"Here's how it's going to work, Ramsay," She began. "I have something a little more fun to do…"

What could be more fun than sex..? I thought.

She took out a little baggie with two needles, and offered me one.

"What's this..."

"A needle." She whispered.

"Well no shit. What is it?"

"Are you that fucking dumb? It's heroin." She hissed.

I stared blankly at her.

"Do you want it or not?"

"I don't know…I mean…what If I get caught?" I slurred.

"Don't be such a pussy." She teased.

"I don't need drugs." I stated.

"Yes you do," She argued. "Matt. Everyone loves Matt. Everyone knows him, every single girl you wanted, wants Matt, not you. And where does that leave you, Ramsay? Huh? Matt _says _that you're his best friend, but all he needs is someone as ugly as you to-"

I couldn't take it anymore. I ripped the needle away from her hands and injected it into my vein.

I woke up the next morning in the closet. Ashleigh was gone, and my shirt was off.

"What happened last night?" I whispered to myself. I looked down at the floor, the needle was there lying at my feet, empty.

I smiled at it. The feeling was incredible; being stoned was the best thing ever. Ashleigh was right.

I shook my head reminding myself that I _had_ to find Matt.

What Happened last night? I don't even know? And why was I strapped to the roof of Craig's car half naked? Just then I saw Josh run out of Craig's house. He looked like shit to be honest. Whatever happened to him last night obviously wasn't that great.

"What the fuck…" Josh laughed. Making me feel even more embarrassed about myself.

"Get me down, Josh…Now!" I pleaded.

"How about we just take the time to bask in this holy greatness of you being humiliated for once. Hm?"

"What are you talking about?" I hissed. "Get me down now!"

He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Oh, Matt," He began. "What will I do with you?" And that was that. Josh untied me off of Craig's car roof.

Summer had officially began.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Party after party, gig, after gig, I was getting somewhere with myself. I was actually getting a voice that people would listen to. I was becoming well known and popular.

Matt however, he was still popular as he was to begin with, but I was starting to take his place, and to be honest I loved it. The difficult part was hiding the drugs. Nobody knew but me, and a few of the new friends I made at Ashleigh's party last weekend. It was amazing. My attraction towards her though, died down a bit… no a lot. She turned out to be a real bitch, but keeping her around was the only way to get my daily fix. So I stayed friends with her.

But tonight I decided just to take it easy. I was already two weeks into my summer break; I just needed a night to myself. Maybe I'd watch a movie and order pizza?

I skipped down the stairs only to find my dad watching T.V. Miles Ramsay was his name. He actually was the best dad in the world, he owned a recording studio… little mountain. Bands like Aerosmith and AC/DC came around all the time, which was pretty cool. But Matt was the only one who really knew about it; if I told everyone at the parties I went to, I'd get unwanted attention…and who knew what they'd do just to find my dad's studio to meet all the bands?

"Josh," My mom called from the kitchen.

I scooted over to her, "Yes?"

"Your father and I are going out for dinner tonight. Invite Matt over? Here's $20. Buy a pizza. No wild parties while we're gone." She smirked, handing me the crumbled $20 bill.

Of course she was joking about the wild party part…I thought sarcastically. Her Joshie would never do such a thing…or so she thinks…

I frowned for a moment, and stuffed the $20 in my jean pocket.

"What's wrong, Hunny?" My mom said in a soothing voice, trying to push my bangs out of my face.

"Mom!" I said annoyed. "I'm fine, I really am" Then I forced a smile.

She smiled back, believing me. And with that, both of my parents were gone.

So, I ended up calling Matt. He decided to come over, but he couldn't spend the night, since he was looking after his little cousin for the whole summer, while her parents were on a cruise. I agreed to let them both come over, even if I hated little kids, I'm sure Matt's cousin would be cute.

_Ring_

The doorbell. I thought. I ran to the door and swung it open…only to find Matt with this gorgeous girl…

She had brown hair like his, dark brown eyes…so dark that they looked black. Her lips were plump and pink; she was thin… but curvy. Her straight brown hair fell past her shoulders. She wore plaid p.j bottoms and an oversized Metallica T-shirt.

"Jenny, Josh. Josh, Jenny. There, you've met each other." Matt awkwardly said.

He knew I was staring at her. He knew it.

"I thought you said you were bringing your _little_ cousin over..."

"I did," He responded. They both stepped in, making their way to the living room and sat down on the loveseat. "She's only 14 Josh, that's little to me…"

" I thought you meant toddler little..." I said, face flushed.

Jenny looked over at me and smiled, giggling.

I smiled back, feeling my face get hotter.

She was beautiful. I decided. I'd do _**anything**_ to make her mine.

"Matt," Jenny sweetly said. "Can you go back home and get some salt n vinegar chips?"

"Josh, don't you have chips?" Matt asked. He was obviously lazy. Not letting me and Jenny have some time together…

"Uhm Yeah…" I bit my lower lip. "I think only plain chips though."

"No thanks," Jenny replied.

"Fine!" Matt said, obviously annoyed. "I'll go back and get the damn chips."

"Thanks"

Then he left; leaving me with Jenny. I never really had much experience with girls; I've only had one girlfriend before to be honest, and she ended up cheating on me. I was hoping Jenny wasn't the type.

"So, Josh," She began. "How old are you?"

"17." I stammered.

"You look younger."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, but you're really…"

"Really what?"

"Nothing," She blushed.

_Alright._ I thought. _I can play hard to get too._

"I'll be right back,"

"Okay." She smiled, and watched me as I ran up the stairs.

_Okay, Josh... Think, think, think…what do girls really like…Musicians! Ah yes._

I smiled at my cleverness.

_But then again….I don't want to come off as arrogant and cocky…_

So I just sat there; Behind my bedroom door. I was too scared to do anything. The Josh at the parties though…he wasn't afraid of anything. He had all those friends…

Heroin. Heroin was what I'd need if I needed to impress Jenny. I needed it; I needed to become the guy every girl was crazy about. I needed to dress like him, look like him. Act like him.

I got on my black skinny jeans, put on my Blink-182 shirt, styled my hair and applied eyeliner under and above my lids. I looked in the mirror somewhat satisfied. This was my image, I decided. This was how everyone knew me. This was how the new Josh looked. I smiled and stuck out my tongue.

_Maybe I should pierce my tongue…_

After all… it did look pretty empty, and maybe I wouldn't look half bad with a pierced tongue. I took a pin from my dresser and placed it right where I wanted my piercing to be, then I shoved it in all the way, until my door opened and I saw Matt.

I screamed from the amount of pain that I inflicted upon myself, and of course, I bit down on my tongue, causing the pin to move all over the place in my mouth, poking the sides.

Confused, Matt slowly stepped over to me. Most likely wondering why I was so dressed up, and why I was screaming. Then Jenny ran up the stairs, and when she saw me, she started giggling. I fell to my knees and started coughing out blood. The laughing immediately stopped and Matt was on big brother mode, although I was a little older than him.

I heard Jenny shriek when she saw the blood oozing on my bedroom floor.

"Josh?" Matt panicked. "Answer me bro,"

I didn't get my daily fix… which was another reason why I wasn't feeling so great, plus the pin stuck in my mouth made it harder to breathe with all the blood. I automatically went into fetal position and started coughing more blood out.

"Is he going to be okay?" Jenny cried.

"Call 911!" Matt ordered.

I woke up in the hospital with Jenny humming at the foot of the bed looking at me. When she saw I awake she moved closer to me, and laid down.

"You tried to pierce your tongue?" She told me.

"mhm…"

"Why the hell would you do that?"

I felt like an idiot.

"I mean," she continued. "Pierced tongues are _sexy _but couldn't you just get it done by a professional?"

"Why are you here?" I snapped.

She laughed. Did I really sound that bad? My tongue was numb…it was hard to talk and obviously it was affecting the way I sounded.

"Oh Josh, You're hilarious."

"I'm serious. Get the fuck out." I firmly said.

Her face softened, hurt. Tears welled up in her beautiful brown eyes. She blinked, and they rolled down her snow white skin and landed on my hand.

"If that's what you want, I'll leave." She whispered.

Then she left the room. I smiled. I wanted to be alone.

Just as I got some peace and quiet, Ashleigh scurried in and locked the door; she held a brown paper bag. She sat beside me.

"So, Ramsay… I heard what happened." She frowned.

I just started at her.

"Did the doctors find any drugs in your system?" She nervously asked.

"I wasn't fucking stoned."

"Alright, fine. Be that way you fucking bitch." She snapped. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. I even brought you a little something, but I guess you don't fucking deserve it."

"Babe, don't be that way," I soothed.

I didn't find Ashleigh attractive anymore, but I guess she just liked the affection. I needed to give her anything in order to get free heroin, and sometimes that even meant sexual favors.

She changed last time since I saw her. Her hair was pink with a little blue on the tips of her hair, which complimented her eyes well.

"Well, you're kinda being a dick." She cried. "After all we've been through! Josh, I love you."

My heart skipped a beat. I've only known this girl for two weeks. We've only had sex a few times, I don't even know what we were… maybe friends with benefits… but I knew for sure I didn't love her.

"Baby, I'm sorry."

She dropped the brown paper bag and crawled over me, nose to nose. I smelled the alcohol on her breath. She smiled and started kissing me; I felt her hands move down my chest. Then she slowly took her shirt off. She wore a hot pink push up bra, she licked her lips, revealing a silver ball on her tongue, about to go down on me, and I rolled over.

"Josh!" She cried. "I was only having a little fun."

I sat up. "You're drunk, aren't you?"

"Josh, I love you. I want you so badly. Fuck me Josh."

I pulled the covers closer to me.

"I don't love you, Ashleigh."

And just like that, she started crying on cue.

"Why don't you love me?" She slurred. "Am I that ugly?"

"No…you're beautiful!" I quickly said.

"Are my boobs to small? Am I not good in bed..? What is it Josh? I'd do ANYTHING FOR YOU. ANYTHING!"

"You need to get your shirt back on, and go home." I softly said.

"You do realize, you can't get any more shit from me once I walk out this fucking door. Either you change your mind right now, or I won't give you anything. No more drugs, partying…."

That was my weakness. I could care less about the "fun" I had with Ashleigh. I cared more for the drugs and my reputation. And all that was in her hands. She could make me or break me.

I got out of bed and walked over to Ashleigh and held her for the longest time ever, while she cried into my chest, I kissed her hair.

"Stay with me." She whispered.

I really didn't want to. I wanted to be with Jenny. I didn't even know Jenny that well… but I had a feeling that things would go far with her, and that I'd be happier with her. But… Ashleigh had my reputation and drugs. She had everything that I needed to survive.

"Okay." I said, hugging her tighter.

I could never love Ashleigh. But she didn't need to know that.


End file.
